Life as an Israeli: Interview with Stef Part II

While Part I of my interview with Stef dealt with her immigration to Israel, this second part concerns Stef's experience living in Israel in terms of day to day life. Whether you are a frequent visitor to Israel or you've never stepped foot in it, her insights are informative of what it can be like for someone there, especially, but not exclusively, as a Jewish person.

Mariya: I know you lived in Haifa before and now you're in Jerusalem. What would you say are your favorite things about either one of those cities?

Stef: I think one of the best things about making aliyah and going straight to Haifa is that there isn't a big English-speaking-olim (immigrant) population. So it sort of threw us into the midst of becoming Israeli fast and hard. We didn't have a choice. We had to learn Hebrew if we wanted to socialize, we wanted to have friends, we wanted to get by. There are many places to make aliyah in Israel: Jerusalem is one of them, Tel Aviv, other cities like Ra'anana, Modi'in where there are huge English-speaking populations, where it's an easier landing, definitely. There you can have large social circles, where most services are in English, and most people choose to go that route because of the easy landing.

For us, we went to Haifa for Matt's school. He was doing a doctorate at the University of Haifa, but it was great. It was exactly what we wanted, exactly what we needed. We learned Hebrew fast, we integrated culturally, and we felt that Haifa was a really great place for that. Not to mention, there's the beach, which now that we live in Jerusalem we really miss the beach in Haifa since Jerusalem is landlocked. Haifa in the north is just so beautiful. It's green, and there are hills; we used to always go hiking on trips around the north; we loved being out in nature. There were hiking trails inside the city of Haifa, which was so fun. You can just walk off a main street and you're in the woods. It was great. We really loved living up north.

We came to Jerusalem for work and school. I always say one of the greatest things about Jerusalem is the weather. It's hot and dry in the day, but it cools down at night, whereas in Haifa it was hot, then hot, and more hot. And super humid, but in Jerusalem it's not so much. So we joke that that's best part, but there are other really great things. Obviously, historically, we love taking the kids to the Old City, and to the shuk (outdoor marketplace), and there's so many fun things to do here. While we still maintain a lot of friendships with Israelis, we also made a lot of friends with English speakers here, for better or for worse. We don't know where our future will be -- if we'll stick around here, or if we'll head back north, or if we'll be in a totally different part of the country. I think that for us, obviously, being in Israel is the goal, and it's great to experience different parts of the country and see what they have to offer.

M: Some people who have never set foot in Israel and only read about it in the news have this perception that life there is perpetually dangerous because of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. There are bombs flying everywhere, and you have to watch every step you take. I'd love to hear from your perspective, having lived there for eight years now, how has this conflict affected your life?

S: There have been times in Israel with wars and conflicts and it is dangerous. But there are times when I feel safer here than in the US. There have been shootings in synagogues and in schools, in public places. If you're a person of color in the US, it's a scary time. I look at the news in the US, and I feel the same way here as I'm sure a lot of people in the States feel looking here. Like, "Wow, I can't believe people are living there. Every day must be so scary." I have the same thoughts across the ocean looking in the other direction. I think what we see the news often amplifies what's going on at the extreme ends of society. Even in the midst of the most intense times, day to day life here in Israel continues. People don't think about that because why would that be in the news? People don't report it.

Since we've lived in Israel, we've been here for military operations. I have 6-year-old twins and when they were babies and we lived in Haifa, there was threats of rockets. I remember one night, in the middle of the night, I heard the Tzeva Adom, the Red Siren, went off, and then you have less than a minute to get to a bomb shelter. We had these infant twins and we were in our pajamas, all of a sudden there's this blaring siren, and we have to grab the twins and run into the hallway, and there are all of our neighbors in their pajamas and their babies. It was such a crazy moment, and it made me think, "Wow, this is our life. This is what we're doing." So there have been moments like that, but on a day to day basis, I wake my kids up, make them breakfast, take them to school, I go grocery shopping, and all of the boring things in life that everybody does everywhere. It feels like a very safe place in that way.

M: I appreciate that you mentioned both sides of it because it's true that the news wouldn't report a story that said "Mother wakes her children up and takes them to school." Have you done anything or know of any organizations that are trying to bridge this religious and cultural gap between Palestinians or Israeli-Arabs and the Jewish community?

S: I think that as student in university right now I'm in an interesting position because I think it's one of the most integrated areas of Israeli society where you have religious Jews, non-religious Jews, Arabs, Muslims, Christians, people from all different backgrounds, international students, all in the same place -- in university. While it's not an organization that is actively doing anything, I do spend every day with a wide, wide, wide range of Israelis from all backgrounds who are all together studying.

I think from that place, it reminds me of what someone once told me that in order to make peace, we have to humanize the other. I think that a big problem here is Israel is that there is a lot of segregation. There are Jewish towns and Arab towns. Even within a city like Haifa which is a very integrated city, one of the most integrated cities in all of Israel, there are predominantly Jewish neighborhoods, predominantly Arab neighborhoods. While there is a lot of integration in the workplace and in public transportation, in terms of where people live there is still a lot of segregation.

Here in Jerusalem you feel it even more because it is a much more politicized city than Haifa. But for me, in my academic bubble, we're all kind of there learning art. Politics does play a big piece because I think people use art as a way of political expression, so politics does come up a lot in my program. It's coming from a place of opening up and speaking about our experiences and getting to know one another on a deeper level, which doesn't necessarily happen in other parts of society. So I feel lucky right now where I am. I have friends who live in Ramallah, I have friends who grew up in small Arab villages, and I have friends who are completely secular Jews who grew up in Tel Aviv.

Even sometimes in the religious and secular divide in Israel, people don't know the other. If you are Dati, if you are religious, you only really know religious people. If you are secular, you only know secular people. It's a great benefit of being in my program -- getting to know people -- and we have a common core, which brings us all together, which is art, which is what we're there to learn. It really does bring different aspects of Israeli society together.

THIS CONCLUDES PART II. YOU CAN FIND PART I IN THE PREVIOUS POST. STAY TUNED FOR PART III.

On Israel, Internships, and Relationships: Interview with Alex

One of the friends I made on my work abroad trip to Israel was Alex, a leadership consultant and author. She works with leaders, mentors, and coaches who are working on building their purpose-driven team of clients and employees. She helps them learn how to make a large social impact, mentor and develop a group of people, whoever that is in their niche, while also generating income. Since December Alex has been running her own business. It's definitely looked a little different with COVID, but it's allowed her to be totally virtual and work anywhere, which she appreciates. If you'd like to to join a community of leaders looking to improve their leadership skills, check out Alex's group We Build Killer Teams here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/webuildkillerteams/

Read on to learn about how our trip impacted her life both professionally and privately.

Click this link if you'd like to watch/listen to the interview: https://youtu.be/VA_fh4_vFYg

Mariya: What made you decide to join the Onward Israel internship program that fateful summer of 2013?

Alex: It kind of just attached to my Birthright trip. So I went to Northeastern University for school, and one of the summer trips that they were doing was the Northeastern trip to Israel with Birthright, and I really didn't want to stay for just two weeks. I was like, "Why don't I take advantage of the free ticket?" Since they allow you to stay for free. So what I ended up doing was two weeks of Birthright, I travelled alone for over two weeks, and then I did Onward Israel for two months.

M: Nice! And that was your way of kind of continuing to connect with Israel?

A: Yeah, and I think I didn't want to go home either [laughs]. So it was my way of being like let me have this incredible experience. It's basically paid for by Onward Israel, by Birthright, it was such a good opportunity for me to get to explore and it was literally a once-in-lifetime experience. I don't know when I'm going to have three months to do that again.

M: What did you end up doing for your internship in Haifa?

A: I worked at the University of Haifa and I did an internship in their Psychology Research Department. It was actually kind of interesting. They were were doing a study on acculturation with people who were immigrating to Israel from the US, Russia, and there was one more country, I think it was Spain. They did tons of interviews on what kids went through when they moved from those countries to Israel, so they did all of these recordings. So I was the one to watch all of the recordings, transcribe everything from Spanish, Hebrew, and English into this one transcript for them and help them analyze that. And it was sort of interesting because I was going through my own acculturation process and I got to hear about these kids who were adjusting as well. So some of it was boring like literally sitting there for hours transcribing, but a lot of it was really interesting.

M: That must have been a lot of work to transcribe all of those interviews. Were you transcribing from all of those different languages? How did that work?

A: At the time, since I had just finished my freshman year of college and I was coming from a modern Orthodox Jewish school where I was literally taught Hebrew for 16 years, so I could read, write, and understand it. If there was something I didn't understand, then I could look it up. I also minored in Spanish so I could understand a lot of it. And I speak English. So it was a good fit in that it was all of the languages I was decently proficient at in one study.

M: Did you find that it helped inform the career decisions you’ve made since then?

A: Yes, because I'm nerdy. I like to read, I'm very science-oriented, result-oriented, and I do like learning about research. The actual doing of the research was really boring for me. Like sitting there and assessing the results for hours, staring at a computer screen for hours - I could not get into it. So that did actually change my direction. I started to realize for the classes I took at Northeastern plus that experience that I'm not sure I want to go the research route. I want more of the human connection as well.

M: It sounds like you did get some of that with learning about the acculturation experiences. It's similar to what you're doing now with building teams.

A: Yeah, it's definitely similar in some ways.

M: What were your biggest takeaways about Israeli culture in life and work?

A: I think you were at this training they did about what are the differences between the Israeli workforce and the American workforce. I definitely found this to be true: they are very direct, very blunt, very to the point. Not just at work, but everywhere. So like I'd stand at the bus station and the old ladies would shove me to the side as they make their way onto the bus. I think how direct they are is very different from everyone here. And even in my experience building teams, everyone is terrified of having tough conversations, they tip-toe around issues - it's definitely not the same in that respect.

M: Yeah, I definitely saw the same thing. Even in a school culture where I saw teachers talking to kids they were very like, "I'm not sugarcoating anything for you just because you're younger! I'm telling it like it is!" which I kind of appreciated.

A: Yeah, I liked it.

M: Our leader, Stef, really tried to build that sense of community and appreciation for Israel. What are some of the most memorable moments or events for you that really deepened your sense of connection to Israel and other Jewish people?

A: I feel like she did a good job of letting us know what was available. We lived in Haifa, which is not a super touristy area, it's not like Tel Aviv. So there were a lot of people there who didn't speak English, it was definitely very different in that way. So she just did a good job of letting us know what was going on and helped us assimilate well.

One event that stood out to me was, and you were there for this, was the salsa events. The main square where we lived, they used to do these salsa nights. All the local people who lived there used to come and do that. I think it was free and you just showed up. It was so much fun!

I do feel connected [to Israel], my dad was born there, and I actually technically have Israeli citizenship too because he was born there. Besides that, I love the country and I love the people, and I love learning about the history, but I'm not sure I'm super passionate about it in general. Although I love going and I love everything about it. But it's really just like my family history. I got to go places where my dad grew up, there were things he pointed out that I got to go and see. That was sort of special too.

At the time that I was there, also, one of my cousins had her Bat Mitzvah. They came to Israel and I happened to be there at the time, so I got to take part in that. They did an incredible, special service on top of the largest mountain you can climb. I'm blanking on the name.

M: One of my cousins had his Bar Mitzvah while I was there, so I got to go to that too. That was a very different experience because they were Orthodox. And all of the women in the synagogue were behind this divider that had these small spaces that you could poke your eye through to see what was happening on the men's side. So I was watching the whole thing through these little cutouts, which made me think, "I don't know how I feel about this, but alright." But still it was cool to have that experience there.

M: Have you done anything specific in the past 7 years to sustain your connection to Israel or parts of Israeli culture?

A: I think the biggest reminder was that I bought a lot of things to put around my apartment. So I have different posters and different things I bought from the shuks, the markets, that I still have hanging up that remind me of it.

I think the biggest thing that the trip did for me was...I had travelled to vacation-y type spots, touristy spots with my family, but this was the first trip where I went not just to go on a vacation to relax, but to genuinely try to learn and understand a different environment, a different lifestyle, a different place. I mean I just loved that so much that I've just taken so many more trips that, again, aren't just vacation-y and relaxing, but really allow me learn and experience other cultures. So I think it empowered me in that way too. I was like, "Oh, I can do this!"

M: Yeah! What other trips have you gone on?

A: My boyfriend and I went to Iceland for two weeks and we travelled all over there, which was really really amazing! We went to England, we went to France. I feel like I'm missing a country too. There's definitely another place that we went to recently that I can't remember. We started to actually do research on where do people actually hang out. We wanted to get a sense of what this place is really about.

M: Awesome! So you and I developed our friendship over the course of the trip and sort of stayed connected when we got back for a while, but then because our lives got busy we became a bit more distant. Then we re-kindled our connection this year around January just before COVID-19. What prompted you to reach out again and what advice do you have to those who are looking to revisit or sustain those kinds of relationships?

A: Well number one, for the last four to five years my life was, chaos is the wrong word but, non-stop work. So I was literally working from 5am to 9pm six days a week. So it was less that it was a purposeful loss of connection and more that it was just me and I didn't have space for anyone with the point that I was at in my life. That was part of why I wanted to get control back of my time, I want to get control back of my lifestyle. Like I didn't even have time for my boyfriend. I was only seeing him nights and part of the weekends. So once I made the switch to starting my own business, which was end of December/January, I was like, "OK, who have I not talked to in years because I haven't even had the time to take care of myself? Now, who do I have time for?"

I guess I would say, one, it's important to make sure you can take care of yourself before you're reaching out to other people and trying to get set up. Anyone that you had a good connection with, they'll remember that and they'll remember those good memories. So I think like you remember the salsa lessons and you remember the fun we had together. There are definitely plenty of people that I reached out to in January that didn't get back to me or were offended that I didn't have time for them. But you win some, you lose some I think. The people who matter will get back to you and will take you up on it.

Israel: From Working Abroad to Connecting at Home

Israel. The very name of this country evokes a variety of feelings and opinions in many people, particularly in the United States. Even in its 72nd year as a country, its legitimacy still comes into question by people across the political spectrum. As with any country, it is important to separate a nation's government from its people. Unfortunately, they often do not work in conjunction with each other's values.

For those who are less acquainted with the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, the gist is that it is akin to a religious turf war. Diasporic Jewish people have sought after a home for generations due to the rampant anti-Semitism that has existed throughout history. The location for this home was chosen because of the archeological evidence of Jews living in that area eons ago. Christians and Muslims from surrounding regions settled there centuries after the Jews were forced out, but have not had much autonomy as a nation due to imperial rule by the Romans, Byzantines, Ottomans, and British. Both Jews and modern-day Palestinians claim ownership of the land, and neither wants to give it up completely to the other. Compromises have been attempted, but they have mostly failed. 

I grew up attending a Jewish school in which Israel was regarded as our holy land and rightful cultural home. As a result, I cannot be unbiased in my opinions on Israel. I have visited multiple times, I have family that lives there on opposite ends of the religious spectrum, and I generally feel a kinship toward the country. I fervently believe that Israel has a right to exist. Do I stand with every political decision that the Israeli government has made? Absolutely not. The same can be said for my thoughts on the US and Russian government seeing as I am a Russian-American. Regardless, I will never stop supporting the legitimacy of Israel as a Jew.

Now that the stage has been set, I'd like to return to the core of this blog's mission: connection. The summer after my junior year of college, I applied to an organization that was offering two-month internships to Jewish college students in Haifa and Jerusalem. There would be a guide to lead us through the program to familiarize us with the city, newly renovated housing provided, and a stipend. I recognized the privilege of this opportunity and saw it as a way to not only develop useful skills in my area of study, but also improve my Hebrew which I hadn't spoken for 7 years at that point, and see relatives that I rarely or never met in person. 

Each participant in the program was placed in a setting that most closely resembled their desired workplace. At the time, I was considering speech pathology as my profession, so I was placed in the Ofakim School for Special Education, which serves about 90 children and young adults with neurological and physical disabilities such as cerebral palsy. I shadowed the speech therapist in that setting and served as an assistant counselor during their summer camp session. Additionally, I worked at an after school program for students with intellectual disabilities such as Down's syndrome. 

I witnessed the more relaxed culture of school personnel compared to my experiences in the US and the much more forward way that teachers communicated with students. They never talked down to the children and young adults, and they showed them a great deal of respect. I also learned how vast the possibilities are for communication. Body language became crucial in understanding and supporting students. 

On the weekends, which stretch from Thursday night to Saturday as opposed to Friday night to Sunday due to the Jewish tradition of keeping Shabbat on Friday nights and Saturdays, our group leader took us on various field trips around the country. Part of the purpose of these kinds of trips was to see the vast and natural beauty of the country and to encourage us to one day make aliyah. For those who don't know, making aliyah means immigrating to Israel, which is also known as returning to the Jewish homeland. 

As a group, we connected strongly with our group leader and continued to keep in touch in various ways after returning home. For some time, we also kept in touch with members of the group with whom we had developed closer bonds. Many of us remained in Massachusetts, the location of our respective colleges and universities. Even though it has been years, the memories from that trip have continued to empower me in my role as an educator.

Stay tuned to learn about my connection with a friend in the program as well as our guide in future posts.  

Celebrating Shabbat